Time of Transition

[giftsofglory]

He made no move to return Mello to his room when morning came. In fact, a good week later there was still no move being made to that extent, and on that morning, when Mello woke it was to the now usual configuration of Sephiroth being wound around him, pinning his hands. This time, however, the act was accompanied by the silver haired man actually being asleep still.

Not to say they hadn't been spending all their time together, but Mello hadn't had the chance to see him asleep until then, him holding out for the blond to sleep and then rising before he could.

Comments

[gunsandchocolate]

"I would. That's what you don't understand," he hissed. "I'm not fighting for someone else. This is fucking personal."

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"Then why would my touching you have drawn his name?"

[gunsandchocolate]

He froze.

"What?"

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"I know his name, because you -told me-." He smiled,kissing his temple.

[gunsandchocolate]

Mello moved his head quickly away, suddenly understanding. He wouldn't have said it in his right mind... but he barely remembered the days he was so out of it from the pain-not-pain and the injuries.

"I told you I was fucking delirious!" he protested.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"I knew it was your honest want my detective. I could feel it since I was maintaining a light touch to check on your physical condition."

[gunsandchocolate]

"What was my honest 'want,' you freak?" Mello didn't in the least appreciate being told Sephiroth had been in his mind again either.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"TO be touched by the person you thought I was. You were only mildly disappointed when I firmly corrected the misconception."

[gunsandchocolate]

He wanted to argue that he hadn't known better, but he knew it would be pointless. At the same time, if what Sephiroth said was true (he had a sinking suspicion that it was), he rather thought he'd have been greatly disappointed and shocked. He... couldn't really remember. At the same time, he knew that he would have been expecting his lover, not this psychopath, if he was upset and sick.

Mello sighed.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Just leave him out of this."

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"I would have, had you not insisted in including him."

[gunsandchocolate]

"I didn't!" Mello argued, almost desperately. "I didn't know what was happening!" He couldn't believe he was defending himself by pleading incapacitated, he'd have hated himself for it normally-- but in this case, not only was it true, it was the only thing he had.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He shook his head slowly. "No. No, you looked right at me and called me him, I won't ever accept that. Even I respect you enough to never call you by anyone else's name."

[gunsandchocolate]

"Don't you even fucking realize that it was you who put me in that state?! As if I'd ever make a mistake like that!" He was at a loss, and he was still trapped against Sephiroth's body, trying to get him off.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He retightened his grip with a sigh. "If you hadn't kept pushing when I was already upset I would not have snapped and hurt you. Lestat is a very sensitive topic to me." There was a fleeting thought that that name would not be utterly unfamiliar, considering the havoc he'd created in his passing, the destruction that came to be associated with that in underground circles. But there was nothing to say that the thought was worth considering either, not so many years later.

[gunsandchocolate]

So his name was Lestat. Mello frowned, squirming a few more moments before giving up, mostly because he wanted to be able to think past the pain that got a lot worse when he struggled like that.

He knew the name, of course, but hadn't actually been on a case involving him. Somehow, he thought it made sense it'd have been that guy, of all people. Crazy as Sephiroth, he was sure.

"I don't care. You don't understand a thing about logic, but we could trace cause and effect all day. And you're fucking terrible at accepting responsibility." Mello glared up at him, and kept pushing despite everything.

"Maybe it's because there's something else you don't want to accept responsibility for. Do you blame yourself for his death?"

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"Every day." There wasn't even the slightest bit of hesitation in that. "So clearly, that's not it."

[gunsandchocolate]

"No, that's exactly it. You blame yourself, but you still can't accept it." His tone was harsh. He spoke from experience.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He actually contemplated that. "Possibly, but that doesn't mean I intend to let go of -you-."

[gunsandchocolate]

"Didn't say that." He hadn't thought it either. He knew it was a lost cause unless someone--Nakago, he kept hoping, bitterly--managed to help him. Mello hated accepting he needed help but, by now, it was painfully obvious.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"No, you didn't. Did you find out what you were aiming for?"

[gunsandchocolate]

"Nothing I didn't already know." A pause, and he asked suddenly, "How did he die?"

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"He was killed." His lips pressed together. "Why?"

[gunsandchocolate]

"I think I deserve to know, since my life is all fucked up now because you can't let go of him."

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

he considered this for a moment. "While there are superficial resemblances, you're not enough alike for that to be true. You... I might have lost interest in you if I hadn't had to work so hard to -find- you."

[gunsandchocolate]

"It's still true," Mello corrected with cold logic in his tone. "Your initial interest makes it true, whether or not we're alike. Your need to have someone even if only for a pet. It all connects back-- and if you insist it doesn't, you're lying about your feelings."