Time of Transition

[giftsofglory]

He made no move to return Mello to his room when morning came. In fact, a good week later there was still no move being made to that extent, and on that morning, when Mello woke it was to the now usual configuration of Sephiroth being wound around him, pinning his hands. This time, however, the act was accompanied by the silver haired man actually being asleep still.

Not to say they hadn't been spending all their time together, but Mello hadn't had the chance to see him asleep until then, him holding out for the blond to sleep and then rising before he could.

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[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He pressed gently, but firmly, down on him. "I am only making you pay attention my detective, I am not making you do anything else. If my touch truly repels you, then what worry do you -have-?"

[gunsandchocolate]

"I don't care if you're not doing anything! Get out!" he argued. It always made him feel vaguely sick, knowing Sephiroth could manipulate his mind like that, just knowing he was on the verge of it even if he didn't.

His touch did repel him. That part wasn't feigned. But Sephiroth was taking away his coping mechanism of ignoring, pushing it away and trying not to feel, because it was so much worse to be forced to pay attention to the way unwanted touches felt on his skin.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"No. If you would pay attention on your own, I wouldn't need to make you, so it's really your own fault." He smiled slightly, pressed kisses against soft skin.

[gunsandchocolate]

Mello ground his teeth, instead of ignoring him this time pouring all of his attention into hating. Hating every kiss, every brush of skin. Sephiroth's manipulation of him in this way was only fueling his disgust and loathing, so it really wasn't hard.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He was satisfied with that, and his touch never turned from being very gentle. "I wonder, my detective, if I can make you crave being touched ungently if I make you hate softness enough?"

[gunsandchocolate]

"It's you I hate," he pointed out quietly. He didn't see how it made any difference.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"Emotions, I've found, don't always work how you want them to." He kissed his belly softly, then nuzzled down to the soft soft skin of his cock, fully aware, and oddly pleased, he wasn't aroused yet.

[gunsandchocolate]

Sephiroth was right-- but Mello chose to be stubborn. He did not react when he was touched there either, except a subtle narrowing of his eyes.

Some part of him had to wonder if Sephiroth was right, or rather, if it was better to be treated cruelly and violently by his captor. It seemed more natural than softness. It seemed, as he suppressed the shiver running up his spine, preferable to trying to battle pleasure and disgust all at once.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

Pleased, very pleased to be starting from complete lack of reaction, he nuzzled down, against the base of the soft skin, and ran his tongue against the, he was sure, just as sensitive place. He had, after all, allowed the blond to go mostly unmolested in that particular area up to now outside being cleaned.

[gunsandchocolate]

A soft exhale of surprise was his only reaction. There was a slight tingle, like his body knew that should feel nice, but he was so caught up in who was touching him that it was far from pleasant in his mind.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He didn't mind, listening closely, and just thoroughly exploring the curve of the loose skin under his lips. He'd work his way back up in a little while, this was a perfectly fine place to start.

[gunsandchocolate]

To be honest, after the first attempt to quell reaction (he couldn't quiet ignore it, thanks to Sephiroth, but he could fight it), things were surprisingly easier. He got used to the sensation. It didn't feel badly, but arousal was rarely an entirely physical occurrence, and he simply kept his mind from straying there, slowly listing things in his head of the ways in which Sephiroth had wronged him. Those first few weeks still made his stomach turn. Hardly arousing material.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He could tell that the blond wasn't thinking pleasant things, but, ultimately, those weren't untrue things, and he didn't interfere, lips drifting up and sideways with a soft hum. "Why so intent on when I left you alone?"

[gunsandchocolate]

"Get out of my head," Mello repeated quietly. He didn't answer. He didn't think it needed answering. It had been obvious then, more than he'd like to admit, how dreadfully that had affected him. He'd never been close to giving up on life before that.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"I never will. I wish you could understand how lovely that really is." It was a murmur. "But you are not ready for me to pull you to -me-. I think that might harm you."

[gunsandchocolate]

He latched onto the new subject, distraction as it was.

"What are you talking about?" He didn't know what that last part was, and not knowing made him slightly apprehensive.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"Dragging part of your consciousness inside me and letting you loose, of course."

[gunsandchocolate]

Mello stared, completely distracted now as he tried to figure that out.

He laughed, more of a bark, really, and unpleasant. "You're not worried that would harm me. You're worried about the fact I'd try to tear you apart from the inside in the blink of an eye if I realized I had the power to do so."

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He hummed softly and sucked lightly on a bit of skin. "I'd let you try, if I thought you wouldn't trap yourself inside me."

[gunsandchocolate]

"Why would I do something stupid like that?" Mello scoffed, though he was aware of the implication that he wouldn't be able to control it. In the meantime, it was helping take his mind off from the things Sephiroth was doing with his mouth.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

"Because you're very reckless." It was a murmur, then he leaned up and took the limp length in his mouth to better play with.

[gunsandchocolate]

Turning his head away and not watching, Mello took to studying the wall with great intensity. The warmth of Sephiroth's mouth should have felt good physically, but at the moment, it didn't. It felt slimy and wrong and he wanted the sensation gone. "At least this way you'll shut up," he muttered, perhaps in some small attempt at reverse psychiatry.

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He made an amused noise and hummed, petting his wrists a bit as he explored, apparently unhindered by the lack of arousal.

[gunsandchocolate]

The way the vibrations of Sephiroth's deep voice traveled through him made Mello shudder, and he tried to tug his wrists free again. "This is pointless. Get off me."

[giftsofglory.livejournal.com]

He lifted his head, humming softly to himself, and leaned up to rub his cheek against his belly. "This is not a permanent state of affairs Mello."