giftsofglory | Path of the Lost

It had taken exactly nine days to find a feline that matched the one that Mello had grown so attached to in the dream. It would have been simpler, had he been able to use any pale feline but even distressed as he was, he didn't want to trigger something in Mello that set off his tendency to -notice- things when there wasn't any need to do so. After all, the man was a detective, and any inconsistencies in something so intimate as a dream visual of a feline would immediately cause a rejection.

Thus, during his hour away today, he was collecting a fully grown pale furred feline with the right colored eyes. He returned quickly enough, pleased when the animal seemed fairly calm as well, and he finally returned to where he'd left Mello for the hour, curious to see how he'd spent the time. It was a locked room, yes, with no phones or outside contact items, but there were books, and some random puzzle toys that he had, at one point or another, had an interest in.

In all, it was a leisure room, and he'd taken to using it to lock up Mello when they'd have their time apart. This time, he carefully held the feline in one arm as he opened the door.

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He allowed Mello to move away, watching as the cat accepted the attention without much of a fuss now that the blond wasn't trying to squish him. "You're pleased Mello?"

"Yes," Mello murmured absently, gathering the cat into his lap carefully and burying his face in the soft fur.

Familiarity, however, made him acutely miss Nakago suddenly and he hugged his kitty sadly, falling quiet.

He padded over, sinking down behind Mello on his knees to run his fingers through his hair and over his back. "I'm glad. I do want you to be happy with me."

"I don't think that's possible." It was an honest remark, no anger or hatred behind the words this time.

"I do. There can be small happiness if not perfect happiness."

"...I guess." The cat was a small happiness. Mello didn't look convinced, but kept stroking his new pet, calming down a little.

Some part of him had given up pushing Sephiroth away by now. There was no one else to turn to. And having someone to hold him was comforting, regardless.

He leaned in, gently kissing his shoulder. "I know. As I said before, you need but ask me for things and I will try."

Mello lifted his head slowly.

"Chocolate?" he asked, giving in. He was too depressed to be stubborn right now. "And I'm sick of this room. I want to go outside."

"If you stay with me." His tone was firm, and he stroked his hair some more. "No going further than I can readily get to you. As for the chocolate... I will consider this. We both know you haven't been eating enough and it might make you sick."

"Hot chocolate then..." He really wanted the familiar taste. "With food. Outside." Like a picnic. He wanted fresh air and sunlight.

That meant leaving the cat though... He didn't want Mail to run away again. Mello let him go slowly.

He considered this for a long moment, then kissed behind his ear. "Very well. Come then."

Mello stood with him, ignoring the kiss but not pushing him away. That had been the routine lately. Sephiroth touched him and he barely even noticed, the touch neither wanted nor unwanted. He felt numb and nothing made it go away.

He waited for Sephiroth to lead the way.

Sliding his arm around his waist, he drew him close before leading him off to the kitchen.

Again, the closeness was neither shunned nor welcomed. Mello accepted the arm around his waist with barely a thought, more intent on the promise of fresh air and chocolate, and looking around as he was led out.

He hummed softly, petting his back as he reached the kitchen and pulled out a large bowl to put things in. "I suppose this means you'll finally allow me to spoil you a bit?"

"Spoil me how?" Mello asked, perking up a little when they reached the kitchen and he knew he would be getting what he wanted.

"The chocolate for instance. Other little things. Rewards for being good. I'm very tired of having to punish you and I'm glad you haven't given me cause since you came home." He considered, then put together a few sandwiches.

"I'd like more chocolate," Mello agreed, then paused and murmured. "But this isn't my home." Though that house wasn't anymore either. Not when it was empty. He didn't know where home was anymore, and it was difficult to understand.

"Home is people, not places. So home is with me, and you've come back to me." It was said gently, and he finally got out a chocolate bar breaking off just one piece of the end to offer Mello.

Currently, Mello was too excited by even just the bit of chocolate and he didn't have enough of an appetite to demand more, so he took it in his hand to lick at for a moment before placing it in his mouth.

"I know," he muttered.

"But you're not..." His voice trailed off into barely a whisper. "I don't know. I don't know anymore..."

"What you wanted? Desires change Mello. Desires -always- change." He ran the backs of his fingers down along his cheek and shook his head slightly. "There is always room for just one more want or need."

Mello bit his lip, too stiff beneath the gentle touch. "I..." He didn't know what to say or think anymore. He... didn't really hate Sephiroth anymore, and that in itself was confusing him.

He nodded all the same, kissing his hair. "It's fine Mello, you just have to learn to understand yourself again."

"Stop it," he muttered, but wasn't actively moving away, just standing there unresponsive to the kiss. "This isn't right-- This can't be right..."

"It doesn't have to be right to be desired." He stroked his cheek.

Mello's eyes stared downward at nothing and he ignored the touch. He felt so lost. Empty.

He sighed softly at the reaction and turned Mello's face toward him. "Look at me."

Mello obeyed wordlessly. He lifted his eyes when he was forced to look up, but they were clouded with self-doubt, blank otherwise.

"You have me." It was said very gently. "Don't forget."

Path of the Lost

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