Two years ago, Matt had been alive. He was just starting to track Nakago, having no idea where that path would take him, and of course he'd been working several other cases at once. Including one to research the legitimacy of a certain pharmaceutical group that he realized now, since he'd done his research on Sephiroth only more recently, may have been connected to him.
He fell still suddenly, an avalanche of 'what ifs' and 'should haves' in his mind. He should have been more wary, more observant, more... anything. He shouldn't have taken that case. He shouldn't have come to Japan. He should have stayed with Matt in fucking England and been content with his life there instead of running around determined to show everybody else up. He should have done a lot of things... But he hadn't. And now he never could.
Just as he would probably never see his lover or his cat or his home again. If that fucker Nakago even still gave a shit. Either Sephiroth was lying despite what he claimed, or Nakago had decided to cut his losses and move on. In this moment, Mello hated him too. So much hatred, hatred of everything, himself included. He wanted to shatter and disappear. There were too many missed chances, botched opportunities, and he didn't want to stand here and think of them all but his mind went on and on without his permission.
Mello went limp suddenly, still fully conscious but apparently having given up-- for now. "I hate you," he told Sephiroth, so quietly it was barely a whisper. "I hate everything."
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Two years ago, Matt had been alive. He was just starting to track Nakago, having no idea where that path would take him, and of course he'd been working several other cases at once. Including one to research the legitimacy of a certain pharmaceutical group that he realized now, since he'd done his research on Sephiroth only more recently, may have been connected to him.
He fell still suddenly, an avalanche of 'what ifs' and 'should haves' in his mind. He should have been more wary, more observant, more... anything. He shouldn't have taken that case. He shouldn't have come to Japan. He should have stayed with Matt in fucking England and been content with his life there instead of running around determined to show everybody else up. He should have done a lot of things... But he hadn't. And now he never could.
Just as he would probably never see his lover or his cat or his home again. If that fucker Nakago even still gave a shit. Either Sephiroth was lying despite what he claimed, or Nakago had decided to cut his losses and move on. In this moment, Mello hated him too. So much hatred, hatred of everything, himself included. He wanted to shatter and disappear. There were too many missed chances, botched opportunities, and he didn't want to stand here and think of them all but his mind went on and on without his permission.
Mello went limp suddenly, still fully conscious but apparently having given up-- for now. "I hate you," he told Sephiroth, so quietly it was barely a whisper. "I hate everything."